My Life Reset – AKA: The Ultimate Love Test

I left my career and did a life reset to learn how to “be there” for my wife and kids. This is the story of the greatest accomplishment of my life.

I’m ready to be vulnerable and talk about where I’ve been, what I’ve been through, what I’ve accomplished on this amazing journey that I’ve been on, and how I became the man that I’ve always wanted to be.

I had to do a life reset. There was no other option. I hoped that I wasn’t too late.

I had a problem. My life was a dumpster fire. I was a highly skilled solution consultant in the tech industry and I didn’t have the ability to honestly evaluate why I had the problems I had in my life, but one day that all changed. Everything in my life crashed during COVID and its aftermath. I knew I had to act fast. The chaos in my life and my most important relationships was increasing at an alarming rate and I realized that I had no power to balance it or bring it under control.

My 11 year old son with autism, Tyler, who was 6’1”, 225 lbs, and still growing, was becoming increasingly violent in our home. Krystal, my wife, was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. She no longer looked at me with adoration and love. She and I had been arguing and saying the most hurtful things to each other. She told me one day that she felt unsafe around Tyler and that she had reached her limit as a mom. She also told me that she viewed me as immature as a child and that I required as much parenting as any of our other four sons. She told me often that my career was keeping me from being there for her when she needed me. These weren’t my only problems.

COVID happened and I unwisely spent $5000 on food and supplies to make it through what I thought would be the apocalypse. We were on the path to bankruptcy because of my spending habits.

One day my 17 year old son called me a simp. Another one of my sons had a drug problem. I had no idea how I lost the trust, adoration, and love of the people I cared about the most. I had no idea why I had no power to be the man I wanted to be. I could see that my four boys needed a father who was strong and resolute in my courage and confident that we were going to make it through whatever we were faced with, but I was a coward and it was obvious to them. I felt powerless to change my life and myself and the circumstances that we were facing.

I had to be honest with myself about the problems in my life, why I was losing everything that was dear to me, and why the people that depended on me were suffering. After an honest evaluation of my life, I learned that despite believing that there was no greater purpose than to “be there” for my family, I hadn’t been. I accepted the truth that I was causing the imbalances in my life and home.

I needed to help my beautiful family. They needed me and I couldn’t spend another day on anything that didn’t matter. There was no one else that was going to rescue them. I decided that there was no risk that I wouldn’t take to bring balance back to my life and shift the dynamic of my home life and the relationships with the people that I cared about. I was ready to take responsibility for everything in my life that was out of balance.

I needed help. I went to therapy. I learned that change was hard because I had given away my power to addictions, my career, and people pleasing. After some time, I could see that I couldn’t “be there” for my family the way that they needed and have my career in tech at the same time. Both were full time jobs – especially because of Tyler’s needs. I decided that I would leave my career for good. I would make “being there” for my family my full time job.

Making money would no longer be my highest priority, so I would depend on the Universe to support me in my destiny to become who I wanted to become to bring balance to my life. This meant that I would trust that my family would be kept safe. I would trust that we would have a place to live. I would trust that we would have food to get us through. I was ready to change and to break down walls, climb mountains, or cross any sea to be the husband and father that my family needed.

I believed that I could bring a light and a peace to my family and my relationships through the power of love. I believed that I could help Tyler learn how to emotionally regulate. I believed that I could regain the trust of my sons. I believed that I would find love with my wife again, and figure out a way to make money at the same time.

I educated myself about parenting and relationships. I learned about trauma and emotional regulation. I learned about the power of forgiveness. I began to examine all of my patterns and why I was doing what I was doing. I felt power enter my life when I began to change, little my little.

Krystal wasn’t happy about my decision to leave my career at first. After some time, she could see what I was doing and she got behind me. She could see that things were changing for the better.

Our cars were repossessed and we were evicted from our home, but things began to happen and fit together for us in perfect ways while we were on this journey. I told my parents what I was doing and they invited us to live at their house for a time. Krystal’s parents also supported me in my journey and let us stay in their house for a year while they lived out of state.

I painted the vision of the future for my family. I unified us in our purpose. I scheduled a weekly individual hang out with each of my kids. I dated my wife again, just like we did 23 years earlier when we met. I programmed myself to be successful in my goal to rebalance everything in my life..

I won’t go into detail here, but I’ll say that after years of devoted and loving care for myself and my family, the chaos that I couldn’t bring into balance before was within my power to balance when I began to heal from all that was keeping me stuck in patterns of escape, addiction, and people pleasing.

I overcame my addictions – every last one of them. Beneath them all was some childhood trauma that I faced with courage. As I did so, my heart healed and I no longer needed to escape or cover the pain. Instead, I was present in my life and in my relationships.

I figured out how to fix my spending issues. I learned to value every dollar. I’m no longer afraid of poverty. I have been living on the edge for the last four years and just as I expected, the Universe took care of me and my family as I devoted myself to this journey of healing my life. My strength as a person, husband, and father grew as I faced my greatest fears and stood in the fire when most other people would have quit or given in. Not me. I was on a rescue mission.

I found the value in being present, and I am. Always. I became stable and reliable – Krystal’s words not mine. I learned how to maintain my cool and stay emotionally regulated under all circumstances. Due to my being safe and peaceful at all times, my family latched on to me with trust and respect. They became my greatest supporters.

In this process I also learned how to set boundaries, how to pass a sh** test, how to manage my triggers, how to listen, how to validate, how to manifest, how to let go, how to overcome, how to build intimacy, how to grieve, how to apologize, how to understand my emotions: emotional literacy, how to talk about my emotions: emotional fluency, how to move from anxious to confident, how to lead, how to recognize and change my limiting beliefs, how to become aware of what the truth of who I am, how to recognize and heal my money trauma, how to connect to myself, and how to love again after my heart was been broken.

Tyler now is one of the most peaceful 16 year olds I know. I became his primary caretaker after I left my career. Together we learned to be peaceful when we face disappointment in life. With my presence in his life, I used my energy to be peaceful at all times around him and he copies it. He is no longer violent and Krystal feels completely safe around him.

All my sons know they are loved. They no longer believe I’m a simp. My son no longer suffers from drug addiction. They all know that I am there for them.

I healed my relationship with my wife. It took a long time and it wasn’t easy. She didn’t believe it was true – that I was changing – for quite a while. That was ok, because it forced me to find my approval and confidence from within instead of relying on other people to feel fulfilled. Over time, she began to see me and open up to me again. She is so in love with me and I’m so in love with her.

Love heals all. It is more powerful than anything that might be in the way of being the man or woman you want to become. Find love and your life will come into balance. Be there for the people that are important to you and you will find purpose in your life.

Shortly after I left my career I began writing a book about this whole experience. It’s about my relationship with my wife and how the dynamic of our relationship shifted after 15 years of marriage. It follows the story of the power dynamic between us and how by becoming the man I am today, I was able to shift the dynamic between us back to positive. It’s almost finished. I keep changing my mind about what to name it. It’s a beautiful story of healing and overcoming and how relationships can heal after being broken.

Krystal, my kids, and I have faced some very difficult circumstances in the process of resetting my life, but we made it. We survived, thrived, and I accomplished what I set out to accomplish.

I want you to know that when you give power to balancing the things that matter in your life, great things will happen. Hearts will open and change for the better will occur. The power is within you.

To those of you that have worked with me directly over the years, thank you for being a part of my journey.