Stepping Back Into the World

Three and a half years ago I left my lucrative career in tech and cut myself off from the outside world to rescue my life and my marriage. I’m ready to tell my story and announce my book.

On January 11, 2021, my wife of 21 years and mother to my four sons, Krystal, and I renewed our vows on a beach in Malibu. It was no insignificant event. I had almost lost the love of my life to my addictions and my self destructive behavior. We had gone through some really hard times, started therapy, and learned how to communicate. I knew that we didn’t have it all figured out, but we were on our way.

Tragically, three months later, Krystal emerged from a Brazilian Butt Lift (BBL) surgery with memory loss. She couldn’t remember most of our therapy. She couldn’t remember why she was still with me or why she would have ever renewed her vows with me. She could only remember the version of me that escaped our home life for years to wild business trips and sexual adventures with other women.

I realized that we would be starting at zero again in our relationship, but it wasn’t going to be easy to get Krystal back to me again. Krystal had been diagnosed with PTSD a year earlier in therapy. Before her surgery, we were partners in managing her PTSD flashbacks. I learned to be by her side as she trembled from the painful memories that she little by little shared with me. She was letting me in and I was compassionately hearing how much I had put her through over the years. When she came out of her surgery, though, she wasn’t letting me anywhere near her emotionally.

Krystal was a semi-famous porn star. I learned quickly that combining her profession with memory loss and PTSD was a recipe for disaster. She was living dangerously and going through a manic episode to end all manic episodes. Our lives quickly spiraled and a wedge formed between us. We were no longer friends. We were no longer sleeping in the same room. I was begging her for her to come back to me but she wouldn’t hear it.

One day in the middle of December 2021, eleven months after we had renewed our vows, I told Krystal that I was leaving her. Somehow, when I said these words, she snapped out of her manic episode and crashed. She needed me. I decided to not leave her. I would be by her side as we healed again.

I was in a tough position. I had four sons and a wife that needed me full time. Krystal would be recovering. Our youngest son, Tyler, had special needs. I did the math and I realized that there would be no way for me to give my time and attention to my career in tech like it needed from me and be there for Krystal and the kids the way that they needed me to be. I took a leap of faith. I made the decision to not go back to my career. Being there for my family was the most imporant thing to me. I had to figure out a way to earn a living for us outside of corporate america.

I knew that the universe would support me if I left my career to make my family the highest priority in my life. It took me a while to decide what to do to make the money that I needed to not have to go back to my career.

I knew I could write, but it had been years. I once wrote a short story about my relationship with a friend that was killed by a drunk driver. Back then, I seemed to be able to connect to my heart and speak the words that I needed to speak, but I had been addicted to sex, drugs, and alcohol for years and I was not connected to my heart at all.

I could see that to be able to write what I needed to write and tell the story about my relationship with Krystal the way it should be told, and to be able to become the emotionally safe and stable husband and father that she needed me to be so that she could feel safe with me again, I would need to heal my trauma. I decided to face my deepest fears, overcome my addictions, heal my abandonment wounds, learn to be a stand up guy, and rescue myself and my family through writing about the healing process that I went through to get there – and that’s what I did.

Through the beautiful process of healing, I have become the man that Krystal and my kids deserve. I am present in my life and free of addiction. I was able to connect to my creative side and write the book that I was meant to write. I’m almost finished writing it. It’s about the journey to win Krystal back and help her remember the real me and why she renewed vows with me. The book is affectionately called, Mornings in Lil’ Assy.

Each morning, Krystal and I began our day by sitting in the 2002 Buick LeSabre that we named “Lil’ Assy” that my parents let us use as I wrote my book. It was each morning in Lil’ Assy that Krystal and I found each other again. It has been the most beautiful and rewarding experience of my life. We’re in love again, and my life is more beautiful than I ever expected it to be.

Krystal and I both left our careers to build the life that we wanted to build. She and I created the site, SunsetSkye.com where you can find merchandise that we designed together.